Wine is not elitist, no matter what anyone tells you. If you have trouble believing that, go to Spain. Spaniards sometimes refer to their country as “la tierra de vino,” or, “the land of wine.” In a Spanish restaurant, a glass of wine costs the same as a glass of water. If anyone knows wine, it’s the Spanish.
For those of you who don’t know, Spain is a country in Western Europe. It’s the country where Spanish people are from. It happens to be next to Portugal and France. All those Spanish people in your country that your government is trying to kick out? They’re actually not Spanish at all, unless your country happens to be England.
The trouble with most wine connoisseurs is that they are the sorts of people who use words like “connoisseur” without cracking a smile. Wine is not, and was not, about the social elite. If you wear a monocle and carry a pocket watch, you are not grounded enough to properly enjoy wine.
In Spain, wine is served in the morning (that’s right, in Spain they drink before noon and they are not alcoholics, because they don’t go to meetings), with lunch, and late at night. Wine is served at bars, and at night clubs, and at cafés, and sometimes at McDonald’s.
So what’s the big deal with wine anyway? Wine has a long history, but nobody really cares about that other than those sommeliers I was making fun of earlier. What really matters is that wine is the oldest, cheapest, and most accessible form of culture there is. Wine is to be enjoyed, and if you can enjoy a beer, then you can enjoy a wine. If you are self-conscious about drinking wine, then it’s time to get over it. Just to help you get over your irrational urge to put wine on a pedestal as something snooty and elite, here are a couple common drinks made in Spain from wine.
Sangria
First you take some wine, and then you add juice to the wine. Add fruit to the wine. Shake up the wine. Put the wine in a goofy-looking ceramic pitcher. Guzzle the wine.
Yep, that’s it, and when I say “Guzzle” I mean it. In most bars, restaurants, and cafes, you can’t order just a glass of sangria. It only comes in pitchers. Eat, drink, and toss your inhibitions out the window. With Sangria, public intoxication is king.
Calimocho
First you take some wine, and then you add Coca-Cola to the wine. Presto, you have the ultimate party drink. The wine inebriates you, the Coke caffeinates you, and the huge plastic cup makes your dancing look better by making your idle weight-shifting look like an attempt to keep from spilling. Besides being a salvaging mechanism for exceptionally bad wine, it’s also pretty tasty, and not at all snooty.
So, what do you need to know to find a good wine? Two important things come to mind. “How much do you want to spend?” and “how good do you want it to be?” The answers to these questions are “Not much” and “Very” and that means one thing first and foremost: Do not buy wine based on price.
My general advice is to never, under any circumstances, pay more than $20 for a bottle of wine. If you happen to live in a country that uses those silly “€” or “£” symbols, then you shouldn’t be paying near that much even, both because your money is worth a lot more than mine, and because your wine market is a lot more reasonable.
Another important thing to know about wine is that it is chemically active. The most important consequence of this is that, if you pour a glass of wine and take a sip, you may find it too bitter or sour just plain bad for your tastes. If you take said glass, put it on the counter, and go make a sandwich, it will almost certainly taste different when you come back. One of my personal wine choices, Yellow Tail Shiraz, tastes certifiably horrible out of the bottle. Let it breathe for five minutes and it’s completely tolerable, and after fifteen it is downright enjoyable.
If you do live in the US, then you probably have this absurd idea that wine comes in “Merlot” and “Cabernet” and “Pinot Noir” varieties, sometimes called “varietals” by people who try too hard to sound important. Put the idea out of your mind immediately. The differences between vintages, wineries, and processing methods far outweigh the differences between grapes. If you live in the old world, you’re probably still wondering what this whole “Merlot” thing is all about anyway. Don’t worry, you’re not missing much.
Try different wines, don’t listen to the wine guy at the your local restaurant, bar, or liquor store. You will find wines you like, and over time your tastes will change. I swear by Rioja or Riviera de Duero, two Spanish wine regions, but I’ve had my share of enjoyment from Australian and California wines too. Next time you cook pasta or a nice steak, break out a glass of wine and give it a chance. You might find out that you like it quite a lot.
Photo by: katiew
